I wear a MEAN dark pair of shades

I just want to say regarding the Mavs-Warriors series and the Spurs-Nuggets series: Though the teams I actually am rooting for won....let's not get ahead of ourselves.

Allen Iverson can be scary in a game one scenario. Let us not forget his Finals year where he went up 1-0 on the Lake show. The Sixers were then unceremoniously swept off the map by a team that gave major minutes to Tyrone Lue. Guarding AI nonetheless. Dee Brown has given Mr. Lue all the credit in the world for inspring him/her as the first woman to make the league. Juwanna punchline? Everybody meet Mr. Me Too.

Stephen Jackson fired gunshots outside a strip club this season. You cannot rely on this guy day to day. (If A then B, as that brand of dude says.) The beloved Pace Show could not win consistently with these fellers in the lEastern Conference. These Golden State Pacers will not win consistently in the playoffs. I want them to, but let's get real. Ayvuhray Johwnson is going to realize that he has 14 feet of (.....) that City can't match.

Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

(Hey you! Comment! About anything!)

........and yet I'm not done. The NBA first round is such a sick spectacle because it doesn't sort out who the best team is. Sure, the best teams usually (read: always except for Dikembe in the T Dome) advance, but the NBA first round is amazing because you have sixteen decent to good to occasionally transcendant teams.

Aside: Did you know that the Tacoma Dome is the world's largest structure made of wood? Wild. That's how you win All America City 1983-84.

The golden rule of the NBA First Round is THOU SHALT BALL. Look at Spurs vs. Nuggets. Who can fucking ball in this series? The order of operations in this tilt goes AI, Carmelo, Michael Finely (note: originally a misspell but since adopted as nickname), Manu, Tony. The Spurs don't feature their ballinest talent. You have to fight ballin' with ballin' on some level. The Spurs will definitely just out execute Denver over the course of the next 5, but each round of the NBA Playoffs requires evolution. These Spurs might win...yet prove incapable of balling which will prove to be their tragic flaw shortly after.

IT'S A MAN'S LEAGUE.

PS Corrections Department: I referenced in my last post a book I loved, and I ashamedly got the author's name wrong. That means you the reader gets a prize. Simply email me and I will pay for the postage of sending Jack MCCALLUM's Seven Seconds or Less to you. I only have one copy, obviously. The only qualification is that at some point you have to give me the book back.

Western Conference Playoff Preview

I was going to make an Eastern Conference preview first, but who knows if I'll write again tomorrow so I'd better just get the West out of the way.

Mavericks vs. Warriors (Mavs in 4)
Much will be made of the Warriors sweeping the regular season series vs. the Mavericks. Speculation will abound that Don Nelson has the secret to beating the Mavericks. I would like to note that the reason that Don Nelson was fired, excuse me - "retired", is because the Mavs couldn't win in the playoffs.

You might think that because I'm predicting a sweep I'm not excited for this series. Wrong. This will be crucial viewing. First of all it is time to really get reacquainted with the vicious unstoppable chameleon attack of the Dallas Mavericks. Dirk is a given. Stack is proven. What fascinates me is how much this team relies on scorers who can't really score in Jet Terry and Josh Howard. I love the scorer who can't really score, because it's who I think I am in the pickup game sense. I can get mine in streaky situations especially early in games, but when it comes down to it you don't really want me shooting. On the other hand, I function best when the other team is keying on someone else and I slip in for a bucket or two. I think these prime conditions for scoring also apply best to Josh Howard and Jet Terry albeit in a they are much better than me sense.

As far as the Warriors, there are going to be some inspired sequences of play between B Diddy, Monta Ellis, J Aura, Stephen Jackson and Al Harrington. There will also be some terrible stretches of play. Honestly if you want to know who I'm rooting for in this series it's actually the Golden State Pacers...I mean Warriors.

Suns vs. Lakers (Suns in 6)
We saw this series a year ago and it was awesome. Raja vs. Kobe!!!! The problem with the Suns last year is that they needed seven games to dispatch the Lakers and the Clippers. By the time they got to game seven against the Mavs they were spent. Steve Nash needs rest and they only way to guarantee it is to get rid of clown teams in the early rounds. I pray they do because the Suns are the great hope of the NBA. If I haven't demanded you read Seven Seconds Or Less by Jack McCullough btw, you should read it. I have a copy. I'll loan it to you. Unfortunately I think it's too hard to get rid of Kobe in the expedient manner the Suns require for success. I'd love to be proven wrong.

Spurs vs. Nuggets (Spurs in 4)
In which winners meet the gifted. It's a shame that the ether of success so prevalent in Iverson and Carmelo doesn't translate into anything tangible. I love potential because it's all I am, but in the end what matters is results. The Spurs have it in a cold efficient manner. The Nugs do not. I read recently that Tom Wolfe dogged George Karl because his system only ever worked with Gary Payton and to a far lesser extent Andre Miller running the show. Anything less like say Steve Blake, would be uncivilized. However, I hope the Nuggets become a story. Please.

Jazz vs. Rockets (Rockets in 7)
What a fucking conference!!! Who wants to play either of these teams? NO ONE!! And it's the 4-5. Derron Williams? Welcome to the big stage, in what unfortunately I fear is a wakeup year for you. Boozer can beat up Yao when he's on offense. No one can stop Yao when he's on offense. Tracy is ready to write a new chapter to his career. Kirilenko? Okur? Get ready.

Projected Conference Semis
Mavs vs. Rockets
Suns vs. Spurs

I'm more than ready for this. A lackluster regular season has given way to what could still be a post season for the ages.

Baby, I Could Never Stay Mad At You

I know I said I wanted to trade Ridnour two posts ago. I take it back. I was in a rage. He's a young Steve Nash. He's a young Steve Nash. Steve Nash doesn't play defense. Steve Nash wasn't actually good until he was 30-something. Relax. Relax. Take one of these:



And I'm watching the South Park movie right now out of Monday night boredom. I still think it's what humanity evolved to. I don't think much has changed positively since then.

Sorry I haven't been sharing my wonderful takes on the NBA lately. Been living instead. It's playoff time now though fuckers. Go Raptors!!!