I enjoy this image

paper
Originally uploaded by snarkyspot.

I'm a big rock guy, because that's how you gotta play on the mean streets of Pierce County. On Mercer Island they play a lot of paper and scissors. Go figure.

We're older. FEAR THE SHNEEZE!!!!

I'm a man. An honest man. I've thought about starting a website before at www.poopedyourpants.com. It f'ing happens. To the best of us.

At work this week one day I was preparing Fedexes for the man. Things were going great when I felt a tingle in my nose. No big deal right? I sneezed once. and things were fine. Little did I know. I was sitting almost indian style. Feathers not dots. Read: sphincter open. On the second sneeze tragedy struck. To quote Das Efx: "The juice hit my BVDs quick like that - splat/I briggedy broke my ish from behind/tried to fake it, shake it/but yo I couldn't hide from the juicy/power of a loosey." I shneezed people. Shizneezed.

Luckily it wasn't awful because I broke for the john hella quick and got a clean up in effect. Light splatter but the lesson was clear. If you have to sneeze check your booty hole and bring it tight. Trust me, it came out of nowhere. There was no warning in sight. Learn from my mistake.

NBA Finals start tonight - Pre Draft Camp Underway

Big ups to Andrew for doing the research on my last post as far as players taken ahead of Stoudemire. I talked to Winner last weekend, and his voice seemed way deeper. Cos he vas driving vay too fast. Zis is a problem officer. Zee, I cannot afford anozere ticket vit mein Porche...............

I recognize that San Antonio and Detroit are the two best teams in basketball. That ain't mean I gots to like it.

The day after I posted that Detroit was going to walk in six, they got punked in PIVOTAL game 5. All game five's must be referred to as pivotal. Then Dwyane Wade got hurt and there goes the season. Props to Miami though for being ahead in the fourth quarter of game seven. I didn't think they'd make it that far. Keyon Dooling played some absolutely horrendous basketball in game seven down the stretch. It was nice to see what it would look like if I was playing in the conference finals through Dooling. As expected, it wasn't pretty. Man he sucked. So we'll see if this series can grab me. Game one tonight.

Everbody is picking the Spurs in this series. I don't know. Detroit, especially Chauncey Billups, is gutter. I don't think Tony Parker is ready for him. This ain't Steve Nash no mo, bitch. For the sake of going against the grain I want Detroit in 6. They owe us all a riot from last year anyway.

Also in hoops, the Pre-NBA Draft in Chicago is under way featuring two Huskies. Will Conroy and Tre Simmons are teamed together for the camp scrimmages. At night the campers will gather round the fire and dream dreams of SUVs with pointless yet oh so necessary accoutrements. You should get a hybrid guys. Peak Oil...(kidding).

Chad Ford's coverage of this event has been sporadic. It would be a lot easier to watch it on tv. Apparently Will Conroy played poorly yesterday - only player in camp to not score. Chester Buckets was also very so so. Hopefully they pick it up today. Not that we'd get to see anyway.

Why wouldn't they put the NBA Pre-Draft camp on tv? Everyone would watch this. We're talking about players very familiar to the college hoops fan, who are playing for their lives!! I don't think a lot of these guys have plans except hoops. Every turnover means that person is going to be living on the street within five years. Every brick means instead of Milwaukee, you'll be ballin' in Uzbekistan...which I suppose is a push. Take THAT, Milwaukee! Seriously though, lovely town. The Onion did a bit about Olive Garden taking Italian in the Best of Milwaukee for five years in a row. I digress, the NBA Draft camp is great reality television. Lives are being decided and you can't get a camera in there? People will watch this.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Sclemeel, schlemazel, hasenfeffer incorporated!!!

NBA Playoffs Thoughts

I watched game four of Heat-Pistons last night where the Pistons tied the series 2-2. I wouldn't be surprised if this one was over in six. The winner? Detroit. Which means I'll be stuck listening to their annoying-ass announcer for the Finals. The rationale? Shaq looks hurt, slow, old, and just plain ineffective. It was painful to watch him heave up hook shots in the 10-15 foot range. Shaq, why don't you just back das Wallaces the f down and dunk? Pretend that they're Kobe. The only way the Heat come back is if Kobe starts attending the games. I feel bad for the Big Aristotle, because he's playing pretty crappy now and it's only the first year of his deal. It's only getting worse folks. To be clear, I love Shaq. This is the man who once called himself the Pythagorean Theorem because, "there's no answer for me"*. I wish he would take this series over because I hate Kobe and I want Diesel to be proved right. Either way I guess - Kobe blows.

*c squared

I don't think the Suns will do it. But it could be a lot worse than being down 3-1 and having two of the remaining three games at home. Amare Stoudamire is a man. He's a man who went eighth in the draft his year. Note to self: look up chumps drafted ahead of him. I'll update this post later with stats and stuff.