Seattle is a top NBA city (add Wade)

Don't believe that Seattle rules? According to NBA Beat writers J.A. Adande and Brian Windhorst we're one of the top stops in the only 29 cities that matter. If you average those two rankings Seattle's score of 4.5 ranks second only to Miami's 2. Beats the shit out of Memphis y'all.

In other news:

I don't care if they blow a 3-1 series lead, Dwyane Wade is the player of the Conference Finals round. No-nonsense yet spectacular. That's actually SPECTACULAR. He gets to the rack on Detroit like they were Toronto flailing at Kobe this past January. Except it's the Conference Finals. Ho fucking hum. I like the fact that the facial expression rarely changes despite Flash's heroics. Dude's got the emotional range of Al Gore on Xanax, but it isn't off-putting in a Sampras or Duncan sort of way. Go figure.

All that and he loves Jane Austen. Thanks FD for that. Speaking of, Freedarko is locked in a vicious internal struggle concerning Dwyane ("whose first name is really fun to sound out phonetically," the author added within parentheses).

PS I'm adding Truehoop.com to my links on the right. Prestigious I know. He finds the best NBA links hands down. It's twice daily reading for me at this point. And random archive searches reveal nuggets like this.

NBA Draft, Playoffs (add Horses)

I couldn't be happier that the Sonics failed to land in the top three of the upcoming NBA Draft. They were going to take Morrison if that was the case, and there's no question about that. He fits the Ridnour / Collison / Swift / Gelabele / Petro mold of either cracker or Frenchman.

ESPN says we're taking Sheldon Williams. Fine by me. The guy won't be spectacular, but he will play a little in the Association. I'm picturing a postier Collison. No more, no less. Ideally I'd like to see the Sonics draft Sheldon, and switch his brain with Petro. Not that I don't love Johan, but matching his athleticism with that savvy is a scary thought indeed.

That Blazer bastard at Truehoop.com isn't all that upset with Portland's basketball ineptitude carrying over into the draft lottery. Despite the worst record in the league, Portland ended up with their worst possible pick at four. The reason he's not so mad? Why Brandon Roy of course:

"Roy's the only top player in this draft who would make me jump and cheer on draft day."

More hyperbole inside as well as a link to another panegyric. Enjoy.

Oregonlive.com asks:

If they are both available at No. 4, which player should the Blazers draft?
Brandon Roy 63.1%
Adam Morrison 36.9%

Total votes: 1065

Score one for naturally regulated insulin levels!!!

Regarding actual playoff action: Hats off to Antoine Walker for his performance in Game 1 of the Eastern Conference Finals!! Toine had 17 and 7 on rock solid 50% shooting. With the way Wade got off, there's talk of Detroit being forced to put Tayshaun on him. That leaves Rip on Walker? If he starts inside before moving out, Antoine could have another nice game. He's averaging a quiet 19 per over his last four if you hadn't noticed.

Game One was a must win for Miami in this series. If they couldn't beat a dog tired Detroit squad after a week off then there was no way they were going to get to the Finals. Now Game Two tonight is a must win for Detroit. You have to love the playoffs.

Winner of the prestigious LQA Player of the Second Round Award? Local boy made good: Jason Terry. 19.7 against the Spurs as well as a nice little nut punch on Finley. You can't get too mad at Jason Terry for taking a shot at Finley's johnce though. All evidence indicates he may have picked it up from his coach (keep an eye on Josh Howard's crotch):



Yikes.

And lastly, here's a nice Spurs season recap.

Add horses:
I saw this comment regarding injured but recovering Barbaro in a USA Today article this week.

"It's a little bit like Hurricane Katrina," said trainer Nick Zito. "It happened to us now."

Yes Zito. It's exactly like Hurricane Katrina. Except that it's a fucking horse. A horse that is still alive. Otherwise, it's exactly the same. You douche.

You are about to be possessed by the sounds of MC Rob Base

So there are two Game 7's tonight. In honor I've been running a pump-up montage in my head soundtracked by Rob Base's seminal "It Takes Two". (Here's a song review that may require registration to the invaluable allmusic.com.)

Yeah! Whoo! Yeah! Whoo! Hit it! I'm gonna rock right now:

You would have to be a fool to think anyone other than the home teams are going to win tonight. Not ideal, but those. are. the breaks. The Mavs had their close out game and lost due to a little NBA meddling re: Jet Terry. The Clips are plucky, but you can't think that they're going to win...can you? I think they have a better shot than the Mavs actually, if only because this Suns incarnation ain't exactly a proven playoff beast.

Possible Western Conference Finals matchups in order of preference:
1. Mavs-Suns
2. Mavs-Clips
3. Clips-Spurs
4. Suns-Spurs

How can the Suns be in my most and least desired series? Well, I think they could trick the Mavs into running, and the Spurs would completely destroy them. That's how. The Clips could conceivably make a series vs. the Spurs interesting. That doesn't change the fact that I firmly believe that whoever wins tonight in Phoenix will be living la vida Schiavo for one and a half weeks.

The bell tolls for Antoine Walker in the next round as well. Not your fault Toine. Tayshaun shuts everyone down.



Favorite lines from It Takes Two:

"I'm not a sucka so I don't need a bodyguard"
-Rob Base has seen all you suckas around town with your bodyguards. He's not impressed.

"The way that I rhyme at a show, the reason why? Man I don't know so let's go cuz"
-Rob Base isn't going to let a good thing go to waste by analyzing it to death.

"Because I get stoopid I mean outrageous/Stay away from me if you're contagious"
-Rob Base doesn't want to catch your illness. He's seen Outbreak.

"I like the Whopper, fuck the Big Mac."
-Rob Base thinks your Big Mac is boughy.

"I got an idea, That I wanna share/You don't like it? So what, I don't care"
-Rob Base has not and will not consider your input.

(The author is aware that he has minimized any contributions from DJ EZ Rock)

Coming Clean re: Antoine Walker (add Brandon)

Antoine Walker on why he shoots so many threes: "Because there aren't fours, bitch."

(Bitch added)

Toine? Love him. Used to hate him. He's a lazy defender and he jacks up far too many threes. He should bang more inside with that body. Somewhere along the line I realized that those criticisms apply pretty darn directly to my own basketball game. I don't hate myself, so why would I hate Agent #8? I like rooting for his shoulder shimmy after a dagger triple. Plus, how about that picture? Shhhhh: Antoine.


Currently enjoying:
-Jason "Jet" Terry and Devin Harris backcourt
-Shaun Livingston
-The Michael Finley Slam-Jam Time Machine
-Dirk Nowitzki's gorilla walk
-Antoine Walker
-Spliff Robinson
-Potential Wade-LeBroodle Conference Final

Currently not enjoying:
-Flip Saunders trying to coach (maybe it wasn't Garnett after all)
-The ghost of Gary Payton's jumper
-A potential Conference Finals team that features Damon Jones in crunch time
-Rip Hamilton shooting SCARED in crunch time


Brandon Roy tells Utah to suck it per Chad Ford. (Insider)
"The other top two-guard in the draft, Brandon Roy, won't work out for the Jazz, we've been told, assuming the Jazz don't move up in the lottery. At the moment it appears that Roy is planning on limiting his workouts to the top five teams in the draft."

That is how a gangsta approaches the draft. Take notes America.


You may have noticed that everyone I support goes downhill (Kobe) and guys I dislike explode (LeBron). I love how the Mavs are playing right now, so expect them to tank the series. On the plus side, more Spurs games mean more vicious Michael Finley flashback dunks. The Clippers are doing nothing for me, so expect them to somehow pull out two games against the Suns. The Suns have moxie, and that's food with nerve.

The Riverwalk blows. San Antonio pimps that thing like Marge Simpson altering her pink Chanel dress to impress the country club ladies. At some point I'm going to need to see something else, and don't trot out that Alamo. Seen that too. You're on notice San Antonio.

UPDATE:
So I said I want the Mavs to win right? Well, Jason Terry has been suspended for Game 6. Bullshit. All of a sudden San Antonio is in the driver's seat.

UPDATE UPDATE: You no longer have to be registered with Blogger to comment on this blog. I'm sure this will open up a floodgate.....or not.

Gilbert Arenas and the Elusive Cosmic Rhythm

Underground pot cave anyone? Here are more pictures of it.

Tasty, brah. Tasty.

So Kobe lost the series, but I'm not backing off. I think he's still the best. Freedarko (and yes I know I link them every post now) has some things for Kobe haters to think about. If the Lakers get a point guard who can take perimeter scoring pressure off of Kobe, look out.


In other NBA news, Gilbert Arenas is officially one of the most fun players to watch. Thirty years from now when people talk about how money Kobe, LeBron, D. Wade and Carmelo were, there will be Hoops IQ points to be scored by reminding people that Arenas was just as good on his day. Breakout star of the first round in my opinion.

I've been listening to Prince's "3121" and Robbie Fulks' "Georgia Hard" recently. Here are the quick reviews:

Prince: Impeccable production. Each keyboard, bass line, and drum fill sound impossibly clean. Three dimensional even. Prince is the man in the studio. Beyond that though, the songs are mostly forgettable. Second track "Lolita" finds the Purple One reminding the Neptunes who invented them. Overall 5/10 but worth a listen.

Robbie Fulks: I was a little disappointed here because I've heard such good things about Fulks from Michelman. His voice was better than I thought it'd be, but the songs are nowhere near as gritty as I expected. What the fuck is "alt" about this guy? This joint is MOR. That said I love the title track, "Georgia Hard". Overall 6/10 for a strong first third. Extra points for a sick album cover.

For fifteen second last night on my deck watching the lit up ferries cross Elliot Bay, I touched the cosmic rhythm. I experienced complete oneness and harmony. I don't know where it came from, but it ruled.

UPDATE: I'm in a nexus or something. On the way home from work I saw a lady who could have been described as Monique's stunt double wearing an airbrushed shirt that said, "Only Degas can make de Van Gogh". Genius.

Also, Makaela wanted to watch the movie about the bird flu last night on ABC. When I would change the channel because it was awful she wouldn't stop singing her song about the movie. It was "Don't You Wish the Bird Flu Was On TV" to the tune of that Pussycat Dolls song. Don't you, baby?

LeBron: Public Enemy Number One

Listen. I have to hate someone. Kobe has recently passed into my good graces (conditionally, pending winning Lakers-Suns series), so there is a void. Watching a downright entertaining Wizards-Cavs Game 5 last night it became eminently apparent that the void is to be filled by the new villain, LeBron James.

Don't take my word for it. Let the Washington Times (a disreputable and biased source if there ever was one) lay it out:

LeBron James skipped down the floor like a little baby after incurring a player-control foul late in the first half of Game 5 last night. This is the face of the NBA? This is not a face anyone should have to see. The only item missing from this sad, sorry spectacle was a stuffed animal. As wimpy as this display was, there were others. And these shallow bursts of immaturity seemed to work on the decision-making abilities of referees Bernie Fryer, Mark Wunderlich and Joe Forte (!?) in the early going. The trio indulged every whimper of the Cleveland Crybabies. It is a wonder the referees did not hold the Crybabies close to their bosoms.

Bold and punctuation added there after Joe Forte. So that's what became of him.

There's more in that article. It's an absolute treat, as well as a case study in why conservatives win elections. They simply know how to fire up the electorate.

Back to LeBron. Also mentioned in the article is the winning shot he made in Game 3. This shot was referred to by a coworker of mine (who used to coach Martell Webster no less) as "almost a triple travel".

Towards the end of OT last night the Cavs had possession with just less than thirty seconds to go, down one. A 2 for 1 was the desirable situation here for the Cavs, but there was hardly enough time to pull it off and get a reliable look at two points. Unless you're LeBron James that is.

Realizing he had the refs in his pocket at home, James lowered his shoulder and dribbled straight into Caron Butler. HE WASN'T EVEN GOING TOWARDS THE BASKET!! The neutered refs of course called a block that sent LeBron to the line. This allowed for Cleveland to achieve the 2 for 1 that that provided the opportunity them to win the game. All without having to actually earn a basket. Pathetic.

The game winner that is being so highly touted, wasn't even all that impressive. It was a traipse through a meadow of flat footed defenders. The fact that the AP has dubbed that 'miraculous' shot "The Layup" points out how lame it was far better than I ever could.

Last time I checked, this is LeBron's first playoff series ever. The referees are calling the games like he's won four championships. I gather that Nike's new We Are All Witnesses ad campaign is in reference to the criminal officiating in this series. I won't root for LeBron until I feel like he's earned something, and so far it's all been handed to him.

Go Kobe!!! Happy Dave Brubeck Day!!

UPDATE:

I'm starting to think I know something about the NBA, because I beat freedarko to the punch by a day on the LeBron analysis.

"If this series has been the first true unobstructed view of LeBron, this much is clear to me: while he plays like a man among boys, he acts like a spoiled fucking baby."

That site is great. I'm in awe of their writing.

All Hail KB8!

If there's one thing I've learned in life, it's that Spaniards ask important questions. Example? Kobe Bryant: un hombre de otra galaxia?
Bears asking.

Kobe has emerged as THE MAN in these playoffs. Or, as one of the commenters over at Free Darko put it: "Jordan the Remix, bitches!"

I couldn't agree more. I can't wait for game six tomorrow, marking my second game ever where I take the novel approach of actually enjoying and rooting for the greatest basketball player in the world. Why didn't I do this before? I must have enjoyed getting a bunch of snarky comments in while Kobe hung 40 on whoever he was playing. No more. Kobe is the best. He might also be pure evil. I am on board with this.

Too bad this bitch won't be around to get a lethal dose of the Black Mamba. Maybe next year, Bell.

And to bring it back to another Spanish speaker, here is a closing thought courtesy of the sign on the right:




Note: Should the Lakers somehow lose this series I will delete this post and deny it ever having existed.