Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Know Your Enemy: Minnesota Timberwolves

42 Vin Baker F
30 Mark Blount C
31 Ricky Davis G
4 Randy Foye G
21 Kevin Garnett F
41 Eddie Griffin F
23 Trenton Hassell G
16 Troy Hudson G
13 Mike James G
55 Marko Jaric G
35 Mark Madsen C-F
1 Rashad McCants G
9 Justin Reed F
5 Craig Smith F
6 Bracey Wright G

Coach:
Dwayne Casey

Starters:
Mike James PG
Ricky Davis SG
KG SF
Griffin PF
Blount C

Bench:
McCants G
Foye G
Hudson G
Jaric G
Madsen F-C

I just wasted a lot of time trying to figure out this team's optimum rotation. Where are the fucking forwards? Where are they? Who is Justin Reed? Vin Baker? What is happening here? I've decided as a feature of this blog's blockbuster "Know Your Enemy" series there will be one Steve Kelley memorial one-sentence paragraph per entry. Here's the Timberwolves':

Kevin McHale is such a horrible gm that if he were black, the Sports Guy would murder him as much as he does Isiah Thomas.

There. That was fun. Anyhow, Kevin Garnett alone makes this roster competitive. His career has been totally wasted in Minnesota, especially over the recent years. You just get done with team cancers Sam Cassell and Latrell Sprewell, and you acquire Ricky Davis and Mike James? Shit, you invite Vin Baker to training camp and allow him to stay on your roster?

If I were a fan of this team I would spend a lot of my time beating my head against a wall. It's not like the Sonics are the greatest team in the world (yet), but at least there's a concept. Much as with the Nuggets, I have no idea what's happening here. What do the Timberwolves do? This team only won 33 games last year because they make no sense.

Salary-wise Minnesota is using an unprecendented tactic of one max deal, six mid-level exceptions, and six veteran minimums. They are only paying for one good player, and that's why they only have one good player. Look at this breakdown and make sense of it. I dare you.

On the court:
Mike James was acquired for some reason. I don't really get why. He's a shoot first player who has admitted that if it weren't for basketball he would be a criminal. In case you think I'm paraphrasing here is the quote:

If I wasn't playing basketball, I'd be a criminal. That's the only other thing I knew besides basketball. That's the only other thing that came natural to me besides basketball.

That's sure to play well in Edina. James is a streaky scorer who can light it up at times, but he needs too many shots to feel good about himself. The reason highly touted rookie Randy Foye won't see enough minutes right away lies with Mr. James and their two guard......Ricky Davis!!

I can't actually remember what Ricky Davis did to become so hated. He's a rich man's Flip Murray. Of possibly the entire division, Ricky Davis is capable of the sauciest plays. Most fun player to watch on this team. He also bears a resemblance to Andre 3000.

Kevin Garnett we all know about. He probably spends too much time trying to be a perimeter player, but who can blame him? If they surrounded him with some fucking talent maybe he would have some incentive to bang down low where he is unstoppable with his height/athleticism combo.

Eddie Griffin got arrested for driving drunk and crashing his car. It's happened to plenty of players in this league, but what sets Mr. Griffin apart is that he was distracted by masturbating to pornos on his in-car tvs while driving drunk. Props to him for the twist.

Mark Blount shoots jump shots despite being a seven-footer. He pouts when his shot isn't falling and is always a threat to turn into a complete non-factor defensively. When interested he'll block a couple of shots, but that's like saying Mel Gibson is tolerant towards Jews when sober (read: not often).

This team is going to win around 35 games this year. They offended the karma gods by cutting Paul Shirley for Mark Madsen. Paul Shirley said on a recent espn.com chat that the sole reason Mark Madsen is in the league is because his championship experience somehow netted him a contract of which he has ten million dollars guaranteed still. The roster is a total outrage. This team literally made me mad to write about. Fuck you Minnesota.

UPDATE: Read that whole Mike James interview!!! It features the closing line of his desired epitaph:

"Here lies Mike James. It doesn't matter if you loved me or hated me. I was Mike James."

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Why I Watch The NBA

I'm going to try to succinctly explain why I love the NBA so much, because I'm not sure I've ever adequately addressed that point. Somewhere along the line it just became evident to me that I really enjoyed it.

Of the major pro sports (football, baseball, basketball, hockey?), basketball by far takes the least equipment. It also takes the least amount of people to play, and takes the least space. To play it you need a ball, or know someone who has access to a ball. Then you need nine friends, but failing that seven will do, but failing that five will do, but failing that three will do, but failing that one will do. Or you can just practice by yourself. ...play little games and pretend that you're Jimmy King shooting the Wolverines past North Carolina or something like I used to in my driveway. What I'm ineffectively trying to convey (in a long-winded manner) is that basketball is easy to play. I don't know why this is important...but it is.

Basketball allows for a level of artistic expression that the other sports can't match. I'm not trying to sound all "Hiphopsketball: A Jazzebration" on you, but it's the truth. There are no pads between the athlete and the audience, nor a helmet or hat on the head. The only thing that can get in the way is crazy face wear, but that somehow endears players to the fans more. Why else would I know about Kurt Rambis or M.L. Carr? The skill set required is also ridiculously simple. Dribble, pass, shoot, and try to inhibit your opponent from doing so when he has the ball. We can all do that to some degree. The base elements on the palate are primary colors easy...what's amazing about the NBA are the myriad hues that emerge when you get the best players in the world together trying to do the same thing.

A lot of people, and I used to be one of them, talk about how they love college basketball so much more. It's apparently a purer form of competition, and the kids play for the love of the game. I might argue that the kids play for the love of the game because they can't play for money, but whatever. The tragic flaw of college basketball is that garbage players see the court in every game. Now I love Hans Gasser and Brandon Burmeister, who doesn't? It's fun to see those guys play and make the odd basket, but the reason their successes are enjoyable is primarily because it's roundly acknowledged that they are working with less ability than the other guys. (Burmeister to a lesser extent than Gasser, I think Burm can play a little.) Some simile involving cheering for a retard to act like a normal human is eluding me right now. I feel like it doesn't need to be said, but last year's Knicks would have beaten last year's Florida Gators by 50+ points. Saying you enjoy college basketball more than the pros is the same logic used by people who say they like the women's game more than the men's game, just to be clear.

I watch the Association for Dwyane Wade bulldogging his way to the hole and flipping up some improbable garbage that somehow falls. (Incidentally, the basketball player's working knowledge of physics is amazing. I don't know if any of them can articulate a word of it, but they all possess an absurd ability to calculate on the fly where to shoot the ball relative to their motion. Wild to comprehend.) I watch for LeBron still being bigger, faster, and stronger than everyone else on the court as if he's still just preparing for the next level up. I watch for moments in the playoffs like Gilbert Arenas getting into a one on one fast break situation with LeBron guarding him, where he essentially walked right up the "King's" chest and placed the ball in the basket. For Bones Barry during his amazing last two years with the Sonics where he'd part the defense like Moses and explode for a reverse two handed dunk out of nowhere. Kobe can drop 81 whenever. I watch the Suns, when they don't care that both teams have 30 in the first quarter because they know they can keep it up and the other team can't. Amazing shit happens all the time. Isolation plays. Ray Allen driving the lane and dunking lefty on three Spurs in the playoffs two years ago. Devin Harris taking off on the one man fast break that TNT cameras couldn't keep up with. The Mavs not missing shots in game 7 against the Spurs. Ray Allen vs. Kobe regular season battles. Shit, Kobe rising up and bringing the thunder down on Nash in the playoffs last year. Toine dropping a first quarter three and celebrating it with the stoicism of a dowdy old queen on his way back to pretend to play defense. Toine dropping a fourth quarter game clinching three, keeping the same face, but doing the Toine shoulder shimmy.

Incredible feats of athleticism are happening all of the time. I can't even explain it at all but I just love it. And each team gets 82 games starting next week to make a whole new batch of impossible plays. Sorry this was unfocused writing, but maybe I can convey it best in this video (watch at least four times):

Friday, October 13, 2006

Gilbert Arenas

This will be my succinct league-wide preview, because it's all that I think is important. Behold empirical evidence that solidifies Gilbert Arenas's position as my favorite player in the NBA.

Read this article right now! Prepare to get your mind blown.

And uh....Suns over Pacers in 6.

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Know Your Enemy: Denver Nuggets

Roster:
0 Courtney Alexander G
15 Carmelo Anthony F
11 Earl Boykins G
23 Marcus Camby C-F
4 Anthony Carter G
5 Yakhouba Diawara F-G
30 Reggie Evans F
32 Julius Hodge G
13 Antoine Hood G
43 Linas Kleiza F
6 Kenyon Martin F
24 Andre Miller G
21 Eduardo Najera F
31 NenĂª F-C
7 Jamal Sampson F-C
1 J.R. Smith G
8 Joe Smith F

Coach:
George Karl

Starters:
Andre Miller PG
J.R. Smith SG
Melo SF
K-Mart PF
Camby C

Bench:
Nene F-C
Boykins PG
Hodge SG-SF
Smith F

I mean. I guess. I guess you can call that an NBA roster. Kind of. The Denver Nuggets this year will disappoint, because their roster redefines ill-conceived. Despite this, they are the returning champs of last year's absolutely dreadful Northwest Division. Their postseason seed of 3 was so ridiculous last year that the NBA changed it's rules so a team that bad never wins the 3 seed again. I'm pulling a Steve Kelley and making my next paragraph a one-sentencer.

The LA Clippers and Memphis Grizzlies played a game late last year in which both teams actually tried to lose for the right to face Denver in the playoffs.

They were not feared then and have done nothing to get better. On the plus side Carmelo Anthony emerged as Team USA's most effective player. On the minus side the Nuggets' franchise did not rest at all this summer and is likely to break down at some point this year.

Also you have to look at his contract situation as a negative. First a little background: LeBron's entourage turned managers shocked the NBA world this summer by negotiating a 3-year deal instead of signing for the max. The reasoning behind this is the the collective bargaining agreement expires after that and LeBron could be able to sign a ridiculous max contract after this shorter term one. Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh saw the genius in this move and immediately followed suit. Carmelo on the other hand opted to take the full five years and $79 million instead. Melo won't be playing for a new contract for a long time, and thanks to the NBA's guaranteed deals he can do whatever he wants in the interim. Wade and LeBron's contracts were indicative of a hunger to improve whereas Melo just needs his as fast as he can get it. We'll have to see if this turns into an issue. I'm not the only one that's worried.

Speaking of contract debacles, the Nuggets will be paying Nene and Kenyon Martin in 2010-11 a combined $30 million. THEY PLAY THE SAME POSITION!! I'm going to call Nene's contract worse than Kenny Thomas's. And of course Nene's coming off of an injury. Just stupid. This is why Rick Sund deserves props. He has to calmly explain to his free agents that just because Kiki Vandeweghe is a moron, that doesn't mean that you Mr. Wilcox get that deal as well.

Now let's move to this squad on the court:

Camby played out of his mind last year, but he has a history of being hurt. I'm doubtful at this stage of his career of his ability to put together a full season.

Kenyon Martin is still fairly effective when healthy. But his knees have been operated on. He has broken the same leg twice. Plus George Karl hates him. Also I'm shocked to report that this is only his seventh season. I thought he was 33 with that medical history.

Carmelo Anthony is one of the best players in the league. He needs to take his obvious hatred of other nations (displayed in international competition) and redirect it toward his fellow man. You can't hate him. He's young and unguardable.

J.R. Smith potentially playing for this team underscores a huge weakness at the 2. The most important fact about the Denver Nuggets is THIS TEAM HAS ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WHO CAN MAKE A JUMP SHOT CONSISTENTLY. They have a lot of slashers, but that won't do them any good when the opposition can just sag off.

Andre Miller has been on three teams in his short NBA career posting relatively solid numbers with all of them. Still I can't help but think that if he were that good someone would have held onto him. In a big change of pace for this squad, Miller has only missed 3 games in his seven year career. Impressive durability.

So what does this team do? I don't get it. They scored the fifth most points in the league last year and gave up the eighth most. No one can shoot. Everyone is a threat to go down with a season ender. They benefitted greatly from a weak Northwest Division last year. This year not so much. I see them winning 38 games. Fuck you Denver.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Supersonics '06 Season Preview

The Supersonics will win 50+ games this year. Book that shit. Gone are the cancerous one year contracts of Radmanovich and Evans. Gone is the entertaining but ultimately counterproductive to winning play of Flip Murray. Gone is the wishy-washy, feckless, and unfocused coaching of Bob Weiss. Gone are any minutes available for Danny Fortson.

The 2005-2006 Sonics turned out to be an overgrown hedge that needed trimming. The pieces necessary for success were there, but for two-thirds of the season the team's inherent promise was obscured by talented players - emboldened by the previous year's success - abandoning the team style of play that fostered said success. To his credit GM Rick Sund has been active in separating the wheat from the chaff in assembling a lean, cap-friendly roster of team oriented players that have what it takes to return the Supes to the success of the '04-'05 season.

Rick Sund stole Chris Wilcox from the Clip show. He probably has a warrant out in LA after getting three years of Weezy for a rented half season of Vlad. Radmanovich was a nice complimentary player who unfortunately came to view himself as a second or even first scoring option. I think he actually might be able to flourish with the Lakers this next season if only because they're bereft of scoring punch save for KB8. I'm sure Floyd has talked himself into it anyways.

Not only did he steal Chris Wilcox, but Sund scored another coup in trading the completely useless duo of Vitaly Potapenko and Reggie nard puncher Evans for Earl Watson. Earl Watson provided the Sonics with the second point guard option they desparately needed after Antonio Daniels departure for Hogwarts (signing with the Wizards). If you have to explain jokes in parentheses the joke was bad. I know this and I'm leaving it in anyway.

I'm encouraged by Bob Hill's tough talk regarding the play of Rashard Lewis. To paraphrase Bob Hill he thinks that Rashard has nowhere near developed the cutthroat nature a player of his skill set should have. As stated here last year, Rashard Lewis ought to be the number one crunch time scoring option on this team. I love Ray, but Rashard can kill you from anywhere on the floor. Go big and he will drive by you or slap your filthy face with a three as you sag off. Go small and he will back your little faggot ass down on the block, wink at the cheerleaders sitting courtside, and drop a baby hook over you that will have you questioning whether or not you are actually present on the court or simply suffering through a humiliating lucid dream. Viva Rashard. He beats the odds in a crowded West front court and returns to the (Las Vegas!!) all star game this year on the back of the Sonics return to prominence. Book that too.

Back to Bob Hill. I love him. He's been through the ringer, and is the type of grizzled retread that can thrive in Seattle. Think George Karl with a far superior fashion sense and hair stylist (albeit minus the revolutionary defensive schemes). Bob Hill's coiffe is a revelation, succeeding in puttting the ancient Pat Riley to shame at his own game. Don't forget that Bob Hill would be considered one of the best coaches in the NBA had Greg "hideously acne scarred" Popovich not fired him for tanking a David Robinson-less season in San Antonio to win the right to draft Tim Duncan. Poopovich saw a situation that literally couldn't lose and kicked Bob Hill right to the Atlantic 10 and frustrating seasons coaching Smush Parker's headband.

Ray is a knows quantity and I don't need to extol his virtues. You know and I know that he is cold blooded.

Another big reason for optimism is the continued seasoning of young center sensations Johan Petro and Bob Swift. Both will be instrumental in leading the Sonics to the title of Tip Jam City in the upcoming season. Homey, it's not even worth trying to play 21 against these dudes if you plan on missing shots. You will be continually dunked back to zero, not to mention have the ball swatted across the playground with humiliating frequency. Remember last year when Bill Simmons talked about how people would give Swifty love if he got a bunch of tattoos and changed his name to Bobby? We're halfway there. Check out today's This Is Who I Am. Frankly I don't agree with the Sports Guy on the Bobby thing. Bob is more gutter.

So go ahead and deal with these Sonics. Deal with them. I'll even wait a second.












I love this team and I think Rick Sund put this together expertly. If the Sonics can get out to the fast start that has benefitted them in the past, continue to coalesce and capitalize on the chemistry provided by Watson and Wilcox, and get back to the inspired "Euroball: now featuring NBA caliber athletes" that served them so well two years ago - it could be a memorable season amongst the franchise uncertainty in the LQA. Mark these words: it's about to go down.

Note: I love the Supes so much I knocked this entry out cold in twenty minutes. One draft. Hate me.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Did you hear that sound?

The NBA's a-comin'!!!

The Supes opened up camp today, and new radio voice of the Sonics David Locke is live blogging the proceedings.

In celebration I will write a Supes Season Preview and a Northwest Division Preview this week. Then I'll do a much more ambiguous league-wide preview that will basically just talk about how much I love Gilbert Arenas.

PS Look at those posts from last May. When the NBA is in full swing I will write all day long.