Why I Watch The NBA

I'm going to try to succinctly explain why I love the NBA so much, because I'm not sure I've ever adequately addressed that point. Somewhere along the line it just became evident to me that I really enjoyed it.

Of the major pro sports (football, baseball, basketball, hockey?), basketball by far takes the least equipment. It also takes the least amount of people to play, and takes the least space. To play it you need a ball, or know someone who has access to a ball. Then you need nine friends, but failing that seven will do, but failing that five will do, but failing that three will do, but failing that one will do. Or you can just practice by yourself. ...play little games and pretend that you're Jimmy King shooting the Wolverines past North Carolina or something like I used to in my driveway. What I'm ineffectively trying to convey (in a long-winded manner) is that basketball is easy to play. I don't know why this is important...but it is.

Basketball allows for a level of artistic expression that the other sports can't match. I'm not trying to sound all "Hiphopsketball: A Jazzebration" on you, but it's the truth. There are no pads between the athlete and the audience, nor a helmet or hat on the head. The only thing that can get in the way is crazy face wear, but that somehow endears players to the fans more. Why else would I know about Kurt Rambis or M.L. Carr? The skill set required is also ridiculously simple. Dribble, pass, shoot, and try to inhibit your opponent from doing so when he has the ball. We can all do that to some degree. The base elements on the palate are primary colors easy...what's amazing about the NBA are the myriad hues that emerge when you get the best players in the world together trying to do the same thing.

A lot of people, and I used to be one of them, talk about how they love college basketball so much more. It's apparently a purer form of competition, and the kids play for the love of the game. I might argue that the kids play for the love of the game because they can't play for money, but whatever. The tragic flaw of college basketball is that garbage players see the court in every game. Now I love Hans Gasser and Brandon Burmeister, who doesn't? It's fun to see those guys play and make the odd basket, but the reason their successes are enjoyable is primarily because it's roundly acknowledged that they are working with less ability than the other guys. (Burmeister to a lesser extent than Gasser, I think Burm can play a little.) Some simile involving cheering for a retard to act like a normal human is eluding me right now. I feel like it doesn't need to be said, but last year's Knicks would have beaten last year's Florida Gators by 50+ points. Saying you enjoy college basketball more than the pros is the same logic used by people who say they like the women's game more than the men's game, just to be clear.

I watch the Association for Dwyane Wade bulldogging his way to the hole and flipping up some improbable garbage that somehow falls. (Incidentally, the basketball player's working knowledge of physics is amazing. I don't know if any of them can articulate a word of it, but they all possess an absurd ability to calculate on the fly where to shoot the ball relative to their motion. Wild to comprehend.) I watch for LeBron still being bigger, faster, and stronger than everyone else on the court as if he's still just preparing for the next level up. I watch for moments in the playoffs like Gilbert Arenas getting into a one on one fast break situation with LeBron guarding him, where he essentially walked right up the "King's" chest and placed the ball in the basket. For Bones Barry during his amazing last two years with the Sonics where he'd part the defense like Moses and explode for a reverse two handed dunk out of nowhere. Kobe can drop 81 whenever. I watch the Suns, when they don't care that both teams have 30 in the first quarter because they know they can keep it up and the other team can't. Amazing shit happens all the time. Isolation plays. Ray Allen driving the lane and dunking lefty on three Spurs in the playoffs two years ago. Devin Harris taking off on the one man fast break that TNT cameras couldn't keep up with. The Mavs not missing shots in game 7 against the Spurs. Ray Allen vs. Kobe regular season battles. Shit, Kobe rising up and bringing the thunder down on Nash in the playoffs last year. Toine dropping a first quarter three and celebrating it with the stoicism of a dowdy old queen on his way back to pretend to play defense. Toine dropping a fourth quarter game clinching three, keeping the same face, but doing the Toine shoulder shimmy.

Incredible feats of athleticism are happening all of the time. I can't even explain it at all but I just love it. And each team gets 82 games starting next week to make a whole new batch of impossible plays. Sorry this was unfocused writing, but maybe I can convey it best in this video (watch at least four times):